Dear Chris,
Every other weekend I spend 24 hours out of the 48 in the emergency room. I am a nurse. I have been a Registered Nurse for 17 years. I have worked in the emergency room for 12 years. The most annoying patients are not really the drunks, though they can be pretty annoying. Patients who lose control over their bowel or bladder are no big deal. Helping people is what I do. "Crazy" people can even be a joy sometimes. I try to make them laugh. Laughter is the most humanizing response.
The most annoying patients are the ones who believe that they are smart, and I am dumb. These are the patients who question everything I do, or don't do. The family member who asks for a glass of water for the abdominal pain patient before I have even taken a blood pressure, or learned a name. I know that identifying the patient and assessing for hypovolemia may seem like trivial tasks, but please, let me prioritize my activities, based on my knowledge and experience. I know that you are panicking inside, but realize that I do understand (better than you do) that abdominal pain in anyone over 50 needs to be assessed for abdominal aortic aneurysm. And that sending me off for a glass of water when the physician has no idea you are here and there is not even a name band on your loved one is risky.
Please, take off your clothes and put the damn gown on already!
If I can't see your skin, how can I assess it? Did you realize that the fabric of your shirt obscures your lung sounds?
Well-to-do people, anyone making 6 figures or more, especially men are the most likely candidates for most annoying patient. I know that it does seem like the thing to do, to treat your nurse just like you treat the waitress at a restaurant. After all she is a woman and only making half or less of your fine salary. But you are an insurance salesman who just wrecked your rice rocket riding solo out from the city. And No! I will not take off your c-collar until after the doctor evaluates your neck. If you end up paralyzed from the neck down it will be my neck on the chopping block. We are literally sitting in a soybean field and there are no taxis, so suck it up and call your wife. So she can come get you and wrecked toy. (Which she begged you not to buy.)
The most annoying patients are the condescending ones. The ones who walk in with an attitude of dissatisfaction. The ones who treat the staff as if they are all incompetent and negligent. The nurse will smile sweetly and meet all of your requests, but she is still viscerally insulted, and very annoyed. You are trying to intimidate her into giving you good care. All you have succeeded in doing is alienating your advocate. If you could see inside her brain you would be amazed at the depth and width of competence and compassion, knowledge and wisdom, personal trauma and triumph.
Thankfully, most patients are not like that. Most are grateful. Even though I do get paid, and gratitude is not necessary. "I'll take the crazy in 14, if you'll take Mrs. Snooty-Pants."
Sarah
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Gen-X Mom
Dear Chris,
Last night I put blue streaks in my daughter's hair. I never thought that I would be the kind of parent to allow blue-streaked hair, let alone apply the dye myself. It was a time-consuming and messy endeavor. I have blue fingers now, a blue bathtub, a blue towel. My daughter has blue stain on her neck. First we had to bleach the streaks, then dye the streaks, shampooing in between and after. She wanted to have "mermaid hair" as suggested in a teen fashion magazine. And since it is summer, and the school can't object. I let her do it.
I guess being a conservative teenager has made me a risk-taking adult. The cashier at the pharmacy said I was a "cool mom". I was almost offended by that title. I never intended to be a cool mom! "Cool Moms" are overly permissive and leave their children to whims of their peers, allowing them to "experiment" with drugs, alcohol, and sex. I do not want to be a "cool mom"! Experimenting with hair color, though, is neither morally nor physically dangerous. So, why not? I am proud to have a daughter who has a blue streak on her neck and not a hickey.
My daughter still likes me (at age 15) not because I am permissive; but because I am open to her. I listen to her needs, wants, and dreams. I try to set limits which help her feel safe and cared for, rather than ones that make my life more convenient. I have definitely not been the best of parents. A terrible marriage to a temperamental alcoholic limited my ability to parent well. I have a lot to make up for. If allowing blue hair makes me a cool mom, I guess I should accept the label graciously. Maybe redefine it.
"Cool Mom" A mom who is supportive and responsive to her children's wants as well as needs. A mom who makes her children and their friends feel comfortable and safe. Allowing them to to have fun and explore all the aspects of their talents and personalities. A mom who helps her children grow into well-socialized, kind adults; with the ability to become "cool parents" themselves.
Last night I put blue streaks in my daughter's hair. I never thought that I would be the kind of parent to allow blue-streaked hair, let alone apply the dye myself. It was a time-consuming and messy endeavor. I have blue fingers now, a blue bathtub, a blue towel. My daughter has blue stain on her neck. First we had to bleach the streaks, then dye the streaks, shampooing in between and after. She wanted to have "mermaid hair" as suggested in a teen fashion magazine. And since it is summer, and the school can't object. I let her do it.
I guess being a conservative teenager has made me a risk-taking adult. The cashier at the pharmacy said I was a "cool mom". I was almost offended by that title. I never intended to be a cool mom! "Cool Moms" are overly permissive and leave their children to whims of their peers, allowing them to "experiment" with drugs, alcohol, and sex. I do not want to be a "cool mom"! Experimenting with hair color, though, is neither morally nor physically dangerous. So, why not? I am proud to have a daughter who has a blue streak on her neck and not a hickey.
My daughter still likes me (at age 15) not because I am permissive; but because I am open to her. I listen to her needs, wants, and dreams. I try to set limits which help her feel safe and cared for, rather than ones that make my life more convenient. I have definitely not been the best of parents. A terrible marriage to a temperamental alcoholic limited my ability to parent well. I have a lot to make up for. If allowing blue hair makes me a cool mom, I guess I should accept the label graciously. Maybe redefine it.
"Cool Mom" A mom who is supportive and responsive to her children's wants as well as needs. A mom who makes her children and their friends feel comfortable and safe. Allowing them to to have fun and explore all the aspects of their talents and personalities. A mom who helps her children grow into well-socialized, kind adults; with the ability to become "cool parents" themselves.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Excerpts
Dear Chris,
A person very dear to me has finally revealed his intention to write. This thrills me as he is very funny, has a unique perspective. I want to facilitate his career in any way I can. So I will secretly quote and link to him.
http://hubpages.com/profile/ericvonjed
this is an excerpt from Sehnucht by Jed Fisher
Execution Phase
She is a self-propelled loader/launcher named Beronca. Twenty eight tons of composite armor, sophisticated electronics, hydraulics, set screws, lacing wire, four hundred amp fuses,limit switches and brass guide keys. You connect your data stick with her console and swap codes with her fire control system. You run diagnostic checks: all systems nominal. She's ready. Your very own high-maintenance bitch.
It's time for your first shot so you mount up and take Beronca to the firing point. In one volley of rockets she unleashes more explosives than a B-2 bomber. You reload and fire again, three or four times and hour as four hours go by. You carelessly leave your hand on her main power cable a moment too long and you get bit. You hope it leaves a scar, something to remind you. She fires on last missile and her power-takeoff blows its emergency bypass valve and hydraulic fluid spews forth.
"All firing elements, this is your Battle Captain speaking. Check fire, end of mission. The target list is exhausted. I'm happy to report no Americans were harmed by this fire plan." Smoke billows from her engine exhaust and she groans as she rolls off the firing point. She needs tender loving care, so you take her to the maintenance pad and give her a good scrubbing and refill her fluids and tighten her loose fasteners and install new track shoes and she's beautiful again. You put her on a ship and wave goodbye.
Hope you enjoyed it like I did.
Sarah
A person very dear to me has finally revealed his intention to write. This thrills me as he is very funny, has a unique perspective. I want to facilitate his career in any way I can. So I will secretly quote and link to him.
http://hubpages.com/profile/ericvonjed
this is an excerpt from Sehnucht by Jed Fisher
Execution Phase
She is a self-propelled loader/launcher named Beronca. Twenty eight tons of composite armor, sophisticated electronics, hydraulics, set screws, lacing wire, four hundred amp fuses,limit switches and brass guide keys. You connect your data stick with her console and swap codes with her fire control system. You run diagnostic checks: all systems nominal. She's ready. Your very own high-maintenance bitch.
It's time for your first shot so you mount up and take Beronca to the firing point. In one volley of rockets she unleashes more explosives than a B-2 bomber. You reload and fire again, three or four times and hour as four hours go by. You carelessly leave your hand on her main power cable a moment too long and you get bit. You hope it leaves a scar, something to remind you. She fires on last missile and her power-takeoff blows its emergency bypass valve and hydraulic fluid spews forth.
"All firing elements, this is your Battle Captain speaking. Check fire, end of mission. The target list is exhausted. I'm happy to report no Americans were harmed by this fire plan." Smoke billows from her engine exhaust and she groans as she rolls off the firing point. She needs tender loving care, so you take her to the maintenance pad and give her a good scrubbing and refill her fluids and tighten her loose fasteners and install new track shoes and she's beautiful again. You put her on a ship and wave goodbye.
Hope you enjoyed it like I did.
Sarah
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