Cyber Songs

Dear Chris,
Happy New Year!
These are my Cyber Songs. You didn't know you were a muse, did you?


Ode to a Text Fairy

Dear electric sprite,
Carry my message to my love in haste
Please do not tarry
Do not stop to gossip
And giggle over
The content of mortals' messages

Fly as you can, bright fairy
At the speed of light
From phone to tower
Tower to satellite
And back to Earth again

Fly to my love, shocking nymph
Carry my kiss with you
And place it on his cheek
As I would




Tears

no tears would come.
no tears for the terror
the loneliness
the sorrow
or joy
Dry eyes always

Tears held in reservoir
dammed up
until the lake of tears was dark and deep

an earthquake of the body and soul
cracked the dam
and the tears leaked out

the tears trickled
and spurted
and fell
separating the spectrum in the spray
of the waterfall of tears

And now there is gratitude
for all the tears
which come to wet thirsty cheeks
Cascades of tears
for all the years no tears would come




Love's Captive

I wish to be your captive
Hold my body like you hold my heart
In velvet bondage
Enforce pleasure on me
As I feign weak protest
Subdue my body
Release my soul





My Phantom

My Love is a phantom
An apparition
A hallucination
The presence of his spirit haunts me
Did I hear him whisper to me?
Did I see him just there in the crowd?
Will he be standing behind me when I turn around?

I know his voice
I have viewed the image of his countenance
Yet never have we touched
Or stood in each other’s presence
Sometimes I imagine I feel his arms around me
his fingers twining my hair
lips brushing the nape of my neck

I feel the warmth of his love
The fire of his passion
I turn to him, but he vanishes

My Love is a phantom
born across water
over mountains
through air and space by thought and electricity
He does whisper to my mind, and I hear him
He projects himself to me and I see him
My skin reacts just as if he had touched me
My Love is real




Come Play

Come play with me
Pretend with me
I’ll imagine your hug
You’ll imagine my kiss

On the next falling star
We’ll imagine a wish
That all our pretending
Is practice unending
For something more real
Than reality offers

Creating our own place
Our castle in cyberspace
Where dreamers and lovers unwind

Come play with me
Pretend with me
You’ll imagine my hug
I’ll imagine your kiss

We’ll unwind together
Imagine the bliss
As we make our own heaven
A dream weaver’s haven
No game could be better than this

Dragging your boyfriend with the car

Dear Chris,

Not two days after my confession to you, Chris Henry, wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals died after "coming out" of the bed of a pick up truck which was being driven by his fiancee. Cincinnati newscasters don't mention the "domestic dispute" associated with the incident.

We were in a nightclub in a hotel. I love to dance. We had met at a dance. My boyfriend liked to dance, but he liked drinking even more. He also liked to pick fights; if not with random strangers, then me. I was unfamiliar with the mind and word games he would use to create animosity. I was an easy target.

"Hey, do you think that guy is cute?"
"What guy?"
"That guy, with the shirt on."
"The blue shirt?"
"No, the gray shirt!"
"Not really, I mean, he's ok." (I think this is a real question.)

"you don't think he's cute? "
"Well, maybe he's all right."
"Would you date him?"
"But I'm dating you."
"Yeah, but if you weren't dating me....you would go out with him, right?"
"Yeah, ok, I might."
"Yes or no, Would you date him?"
"ok, yes, why not? Yes." (Whew, that was grueling, what a way to entertain my tipsy companion.)

"Ok, what about that other guy." (Uh oh, now its a test.)
"Which one?"
"That one, right there."
"No"
"would you date him?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I don't know him?"
"You would date the other guy but not him!? He is way better looking!"
"Ok, well I guess I would." (What the hell does he want me to say?)
"Yes or no, Would you date him!?"
"Ok yes."

"What about that guy?"
"Which guy?"
"That guy." (The guys are all looking alike by now and I have no idea who "that guy" is, but I'm bored with this game.)
"Yes."
"Yes what!? I haven't even asked you yet!"
"Yes, I would date him." (Good grief this is a stupid conversation.)

Silence. (whew)
"You're just a goddamned whore!"
"What?"
"fukin' slut! You just want to fuck everything, don't you!? (Where did that come from?)
"I do not. Why are you saying that?"
"You just said you would fuck all those guys!"
"No, that is not what I said......"
"YOU are a FUKIN' WHORE!"
"Look, settle down, I don't have to put up with this!"
"cuntwhoreslutbitch!" (My internal snicker causes the corners of my mouth to turn up involuntarily.)
"You think this is funny!?"
"You are acting ridiculous!"
"You're being a fukin' whore!"
"I want to go home now."
"No!"
(He gets up and staggers to the bathroom.)

This is ridiculous I tell myself. One more moment spent with this man is insanity. (I am gulping diet cola.) I drive, he drinks. He doesn't even have a job! Stopped taking classes! I'm buying his beer! I should just leave him here!

I've talked myself into leaving. So I do. Walking quickly, I head for the way to the parking lot.

"Sarah!" (shit)
"Sarah, wait!" (I start to run. across the sky walk.)
"I said wait!" (Run faster, heels suck, keys in my hand.)
"Hey! Stop!" (Hurry! unlock car, get in car, close door, hurry, lock doors.)
"Wait!" (start car, hurry, car in reverse, back up, oh no! here he comes, hurry, now in drive, step on gas, oh please,)
"Sarah!" (banging on window, glad doors are locked, drive away!)

AHHHHHH! (Oh shit.)
AHHHHH! (Stop or go to jail for hit and run. I'll lose my nursing license. I'll lose my drivers license. shit. stop car. get out.)
"Are you all right?"
"Noooo! Help me!"
"Are you hurt?"
"Yes!"
"where?"
"all over"
"can you move?"

Turns out dummy had grabbed hold of the door to get in and did not let go. I had dragged him. No significant injury, just a lot of road rash.

"Take me to the hospital!"
"It's just road rash, you'll live!"
"You tried to kill me!"

I drove us home and took off his shoes when he passed out on the couch.

Sarah

Snowfall

Dear Chris,

I woke this morning to a blanket of white. First snowfalls are always exciting. The kids got their sleds out of the shed and slipped and slid down the hill behind the house. After my daughter's incident last year, she is more careful. (Oh was she mad when the ice sent her flying, and then bit her in the face.) They know to stay away from the pond too.

I made chili for lunch while they were out sledding. My son came in and said, "What smells so warm and yummy?" Sometimes he just sends my heart flying. Even though he tracked wet snow across the house. My daughter's grin was priceless.

After lunch we went shopping for the larger family Christmas party tomorrow. The menu is unusual, pizza and fresh fruit. We want to keep things simple so that we can enjoy each other, rather than spending the day cooking and cleaning. We all get enough of that. I also bought a poinsettia, and a small potted tree to decorate with. My daughter and I had found a table cloth which actually fits Mom's huge table in another foray. I had to buy Christmas cookie cutters too. I was horrified at my total when we checked out. It should be a fun day, though.

Sarah

Welcome Christmas With Lights!

As we near the winter solstice and the longest of nights in the Northern hemisphere, all seems always cold and dark. There is nothing more comforting when driving through a dark landscape than the cheer of Christmas lighting on houses. Tonight it seems the wind blows straight through my coat and wraps its icy fingers around my entire body. The stars shine just as brightly though, as they did in summer. The Christmas lights echo their mystery and promise.

Christmas lights say something about the inhabitants of a house. Whether tasteful or tacky, classic or whimsical, you know that the people there want to be happy. They want others to be happy too. A Christmas light display is both generous and welcoming. So many dark and cold evenings in years past I have driven home from work, (sometimes wondering if my car would even make it) and been indescribably encouraged by the brilliance of icicle lights outlining the eves of a house; or the strange, inflatable Santa in the front lawn of an old trailer.

I am particularly fond of luminaries and candles in windows. I love to see the gables of big old Victorians outlined in lights. Once I saw a display of motorcycles set to pull Santa's sleigh. The first display I saw this year lit up a dark hollow on a lonesome back road. The mood inside my car was immediately brightened. My children were thrilled. "Christmas!" They exclaimed. My favorite this year is a tiny house all outlined in white lights, even the windows and door. With a star above the chimney.

Nothing represents hope better than a newborn child. And no greater gift has been given. So put out your nativities, your Santas, and your snowmen. Prepare the way with lights which mimic the light in the heavens. Spread joy, cheer, and hope through the dark night to all who pass by your home.

Sarah Fisher

Introduction

Sex in Southern Ohio really doesn't sound all that glamorous, and it isn't. I suspect a lot of sex here is really just random desperate pairings encouraged by the use of alcohol. But that is Appalachia for you. Caught somewhere between complete amoral debauchery and religious fundamentalism; words like love, honor, and respect have become the empty incantation of an ancient religious ceremony. The thought of dating in such an atmosphere is nauseating. (Does anyone here "date"?)
This really isn't a blog just about my sex life, which, for now only exists in my mind and the minds of those who lust after me. Like most blogs, it is a self-indulgent, publicized journal. An exercise of my writing skills, and a cry for attention....lots of it. I do hope I can keep it entertaining enough to get lots of attention.
So, dear readers, welcome to my blog. I hope we will have lots of fun.

Sarah